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Freemasonry Watch

George Washington Masonic National Memorial - The Contrarian pays a visit

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The Contrarian

VMAs, Freemasonry — What More Could You Want On A Monday Afternoon?

September 10, 2007

I'm still reeling from the colossal shitstorm that was this year's MTV VMAs. At least no one made me blog about it. All the pretty lights and booze in Vegas couldn't save this overblown (and dull!) awards show. Sarah Silverman should really know better. And I should have known not to bother watching.

Oh, but those Freemasons!

Over the weekend, Brooke and I paid a visit to the penultimate parlor of brotherhood, the George Washington Masonic Memorial in Alexandria, Virginia. The building is quite majestic from the outside, but the interior is like a glorified Elk's Lodge filled with pseudo-mystical, quasi-biblical baubles.

I still took tons of pictures, once I was certain it was kosher. Hell, they allowed a film shoot for National Treasure II: Book of Secrets. (Wasn't that the subhead for Blair Witch II? I bet this flick is every bit as good).

For those of you who prefer to hold tight to your Dan Brown fantasies about shadowy conspiracies and metaphorical Christ-blood, consider this your Secret Society Spoiler Alert.

Pics and deliciously clever captions below the fold.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

This is the side view of the building. It's more magnificent from the front, but that's not where we parked, OK?

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Wife on steps.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

This is the main ritual chamber. Exactly.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Jerry Lewis. Moments after this photo was taken, he exclaimed, "Get away from me, you fag!"

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Freemasons sure do love their inverted pentagrams. I think this is Satan's pillowcase.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Talk about mixed messages.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

More cultish-looking literature.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

In addition to secretly ruling the world, they also play with Barbies.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Groovy mural and Corinthian columns. I just like to say "Corinthian."

George Washington Masonic Memorial

By George, what is this powdered wiggery?

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Where is it written that the Founding Fathers must always be depicted with amazing leg muscles?

George Washington Masonic Memorial

They just don't write obits like this anymore.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

I'm turning this one in to the FBI.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

These signify something, I'm certain.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Masonic conspiracy theories go way back.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

I found the Ark of the Covenant!

George Washington Masonic Memorial

In Biblical times, there were no over-the-counter remedies for "burning bush."

George Washington Masonic Memorial

A pirate thong?

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Chooseth Ye Path, Light or Dark. Or color in the animals with crayons!

George Washington Masonic Memorial

The Breakfast Nook to Nowhere.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Nebuchadnezzar bein' a dick, as usual.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Magickal seahorses!

George Washington Masonic Memorial

This stained glass ain't shit compared to the National Cathedral.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Gareth, our Masonic Overlord.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

You thought I was making that up, didn't you?

George Washington Masonic Memorial

These are some more dolls.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

And this is where you flambé them to appease your Dark God(s).

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Pseudo-Egyptian nonsense. Kind of like Thelema, but with even tackier decor.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Congratulations — you've won the Poster Child Award!

George Washington Masonic Memorial

More miniature stuff. This is a giant model parade that goes 'round and 'round. About as thrilling as it sounds.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Shriner cars get excellent gas mileage, actually.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

The Saddest Thing in the World.

George Washington Masonic Memorial

Why does something so Scottish Rite feel so wrong?

George Washington Masonic Memorial

The Seal of the Great Architect, from On High.

So what did I learn about Freemasonry? Basically that any group with this apalling an aesthetic cannot possibly control the world.

But I intend no disrespect with these photos and captions; my great-grandfather was a 33rd Degree Mason. Plus I don't want to be taken away in the middle of the night...
Posted by casey on September 10, 2007 at 02:02 PM in Conspiracy!, General Mysticism, History, Religion | Permalink

Technorati Tags: Freemasonry, Secret Societies, VMAs

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Way cool photos! Enjoyed the crazy captions, too.

Widow's Son
Posted by: Widow's Son | September 10, 2007 at 03:39 PM

This was a related article that I found quite funny from Dennis Hensley, a freelance dude that contributes to msnbc's site, among others.

Posted by: Sean | September 10, 2007 at 03:47 PM

This is the best damn thing I seen all day. I am shaking with excitement. THEY HAVE AN ONLINE GIFT SHOP!
Posted by: Molly | September 10, 2007 at 04:50 PM

Whoa...your captions take the cake. I've never seen such idolatry. Those heathens shall be smite (smited? Smote?...I think that's past tense) down and consumed by fires of a most jealous god. I must be learning something over here, cuz I know I saw the alchemical process in one of those pentagrams, and it sure looks like a golden muscaria mushroom in the final "philosopher's stone" stage. You're right, though...they're an aesthetically lazy fraternity.
Posted by: Jebson | September 11, 2007 at 06:41 AM

Lazy? No we're just usually too busy arguing with one another over something to actually make a unified dicision on something like decorating.
Posted by: Luke | September 11, 2007 at 09:32 AM

oh that's good stuff. When i lived on Clarke street my bedroom window looked out on the Masonic temple at the top of church, that building is great, so dark and brick. i also liked to look out at it and imagine that inside that giant peaked roof was some demon restrained just barely by massive shackles and magic.

I was often drunk when i did this.
Posted by: Tanner | September 11, 2007 at 10:17 AM

Like Yog-Sothoth in The Pentagon, which is also just down the street...

I feel an Occcultica/DC Architecture post coming on. And damn, I was just about to reveal the glory of Wishbone Ash over on ProgBlog. Guess it'll have to wait...
Posted by: casey | September 11, 2007 at 10:29 AM

There's a lovely Scottish Rite temple just up the road from Johns Hopkins here in Baltimore. I think it's being turned into condos. Dibs on the ritual chamber suite!

Loyola College already purchased the Boumi temple, detonated it, and sowed the ground with salt. Now it's a co-ed undergrad workout complex.
Posted by: geoff | September 11, 2007 at 04:00 PM

I like, the photos. Though i do not understand the satire. The Washington Masonic Temple is a amazing building though!
Posted by: Hiram Abiff | October 02, 2007 at 06:19 PM

What a great tour, thanks. Not to educational, but lots of fun. You should consider guiding us to other monuments! I would be a fan.
Posted by: DarbyOG

Travel to the F.·.W.·. Middle Chamber

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