The Guardian
http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4446514,00.html
How to lose friends and alienate people
26 June to 2 July: Freemasonry in the Community Week
Martin Love
Observer
Sunday June 23, 2002
1. Freemasons are famous for their secretive handshakes. Make an immediate impression by taking your 'palm buzzer' along to the next meeting.
2. Meetings are held in lodges across the country. If you can't find your way, ask any policeman. They'll be going, too.
3. Before you tie on your ceremonial apron, pull on a pair of yellow Marigolds and brag proudly that you never normally do the washing up at home.
4. Freemasons are notoriously shy - help raise their profile by telling your friends what happens behind closed doors. Also, hand out leaflets and hang a banner outside the hall.
5. As you'll be rolling up one leg of your trousers, be sure to wear your novelty glow-in-the-dark socks.
6. Ask: 'If masons are free, how much are they normally?'
7. Women aren't always welcome in the ancient order, so add a feminine touch by turning up in drag.
8. Dressing up is all part of the fun of freemasonry - going as Elvis or Gandhi is popular, as are animal costumes.
9. The customary greeting of masons across the land is to say in a loud falsetto John Inman voice: 'I'm free...'
10. Get a T-shirt printed with the words: 'Freemasons do it up against the wall.'
Further Reading:
UK Freemasonry in the News, have the 'Brethren' finally met their Waterloo?
